Genesis 33

Jacob finally prepares to run the gauntlet and confront Esau, putting the "female servants and their children" first, then Leah and her brood, then Rachel and Joseph (verse 2). I'm reminded of Magneto's line in the third X-Men film: "In chess, the pawns go first." I guess it makes sense that Jacob wants to protect his favored wife, but he is using children as human shields to do so.

Of course, all of Jacob's fraught precautions are for naught, as Esau runs to him with open arms. I wrote before that I've always felt bad for Esau despite his boneheadedness, so you can probably guess that their reconciliation gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling. It's all good in the hood, as Mr. Rogers might say.

I will concede that sometimes, nasty situations come out of nowhere. Other times, we anticipate a distressing situation, and when it comes, it's just as bad as we thought it would be. But sometimes, I worry needlessly. I used to play the clarinet in elementary, middle, and high school, and I always dreaded seating auditions. In high school especially I didn't practice as much as I could have, but even when I did, my nerves were jittery with tension. Yet I never ended up squeaking (the bane of a reed instrumentalist's existence) and pretty much always managed to get the first part. (The clarinet section was split into two or three parts, with the first part often being the most interesting to play.) I guess a small amount of worry was healthy because it spurred me to actually practice, but my stress was definitely out of proportion to the result.

Jacob asks Esau to stop smothering him, presumably so he can have some breathing room. However, as we'll later learn, Jacob will not actually follow Esau all the way home. Does Jacob still feel guilty for what he's done, afraid that his brother will change his mind? Either way, he still doesn't seem to completely trust his brother's change of heart.

Going back to Esau--what a transformation. When Jacob left, Esau vowed to murder him. Now, he's welcoming him, shedding unrestrained tears when he could have very easily clung to his grudge the whole time. While I'm not one to hold grudges, that's probably because I've been blessed enough not to have been egregiously wronged by anybody yet. I'm sure it will happen someday, and when it does, I hope I'll be able to follow Queen Elsa of Arendelle's example without becoming a doormat. After all, if Esau had still wanted to kill Jacob, life would have been a bit more difficult for all parties involved. I've read in numerous places that if you forgive someone, it benefits you the most. In this case, however, Jacob was probably glad too that Esau decided to forgive him. Forgiveness… such a simple concept with no real drawbacks, yet so difficult at times to put into practice.