Every non-vegetarian gastronome the world round has an opinion on what meat tastes the most scrumptious. John Doe might insist that nothing reaches the empyrean heights of a bone-in rib eye, while Jane Smith might aver that rack of lamb is nothing less than a taste of heaven. But I'm guessing that few foodies would claim the lowly gallus gallus domesticus--known as the chicken to common folk like you and me--as their favorite meat. I mean, when you go to an all-you-can-eat Korean barbecue, you don't exactly rush out to load up your plate with the chicken, do you?
And yet, I'm rather fond of chicken and think that it's the most consistently tasty meat. I've been to restaurants that have served poor beef, pork, and turkey, but it takes the rare culinary talents of someone like me to truly screw up cooking chicken. And while I dig a good burger, I have to say that a chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A is sometimes even more appealing. I was introduced to Chick-fil-A rather late in life, which is probably good because their food is a good deal more expensive than the perfectly decent McChicken from McDonald's. Anyway, I often find myself agreeing with that famous Chick-fil-A advertising campaign that featured cows telling the public to "Eat Mor Chickin."
I'm going to take a wild guess and say that, if the Philistine cows in this chapter could talk, they probably would have begged the Israelites to "Eat Mor Chickin" as well. Yes, Eli's life kind of ended up sucking, but what about these cows? First, they're torn from their beloved calves (verse 10), watching as their innocent children are imprisoned before their very eyes. Truly, a tableau to rival the most tear-jerking parent/child separation scene in some heartrending Asian drama. Then, the wretched ruminants are hitched to a heavy cart laden with, among other things, gold rats and tumors (verse 11) and left to wander in the wilderness, which is probably rife with velociraptors (because don't you know? Humans and dinosaurs co-existed.) Is it really that surprising that the poor beasts are "lowing all the way" (verse 12)? But at long last--here come some rapturous humans, rejoicing at the cows' arrival (verse 13)! Has the creatures' luck finally changed? Nope--the beleaguered bovines are promptly barbecued, their edible body parts subsequently stuffed down the maws of the happy humans (verse 14).
OK, I know the real point of this chapter is that the ark gets returned to the Israel--no thanks to the Israelites, some of whom promptly take leave of their brains, look into the ark ("It's so beautiful!"), and perish (verse 19). We can never take God for granted--not when things are going well, and not when things are going wrong. And the other moral of the story is don't be a cow if you can help it. Finally consider this: 1 Samuel 6 relates the sorry tale of a pair of unfortunate cows. Chick-fil-A, the champion of bovine rights, is owned by Christians. It all makes sense!
