Judges 15

If you weren't dozing off in history class that day (and you're an American), you're probably familiar with the names Hatfield and McCoy. In the late 1800s, these two families had a bitter and bloody feud so deadly and so grievous that the conflict was eventually taken all the way up the U.S. Supreme Court.  In the 1940s, the Disney Studios parodied the feud in a segment of the 1946 "package" film Make Mine Music. Called "The Martins and the Coys," the cartoon spins the tale of two quarreling hillbilly families who eventually kill each other off. The only survivors are a gal on the Martin side and a fella on the Coy side who fall in love and marry. But of course, the cartoon ends with the couple feuding because, you know, that's what married couples do after their salad days. Incidentally, the modern Disney company apparently thinks that the cartoon is too violent, as it's cut from all the home video/DVD releases of Make Mine Music.

The feud between Samson and the Philistines starts off by going back and forth several times. (That's the destructive cycle of most feuds: Side A does something grievous to Side B, Side B wants vengeance, Side A wants to retaliate for that act of vengeance, and so on, ad infinitum.) Samson, going through all the trouble of taking a goat to give to his sweetie, is understandably pissed when he discovers that his wife has now been given to his companion instead (verse 2). In return, Samson pulls off a mischievous shenanigan that puts your typical frat prank to shame: He ties torches to some foxes' tails and has them run free through the Philistines' fields. And it's not just a couple foxes--he catches three hundred of the little critters (verses 4-5).

The Philistines' retaliation escalates to a horrifying extent: They burn Samson's wife and father-in-law to death (verse 6), causing Samson to knock off several Philistines in return. The whole thing calls to mind that gem of a rejoinder familiar to all elementary school students: "They started it!"

Fortunately, Judah, along with its vast army, intervenes to provide some adult supervision. But wait--they're supporting the Philistines, telling Samson that he needs to be handed over. Just what side are they on? Of course, it doesn't matter as Samson soon breaks his bonds and starts racking up a string of kill combos, much to the Philistines' consternation. And what weapon does he use? Why, the jawbone of a donkey--what else? Though I suppose after oxgoads, tent pegs, and shattered pottery, I shouldn't be surprised at some of the judges' unique, patented way of offing enemies.