Genesis 35-36

Following the rather horrid Dinah Debacle, God (referring to Himself in the third person, for some reason) tells Jacob to leave this nasty place and head for Bethel (the place where, if you remember, Jacob had his little Led Zeppelin vision). Jacob and his clan do have to change their clothes and part with their foreign gods--sorry, Rachel--but that must have been easy enough. However, it must have taken supreme willpower for them to get rid of their precious earrings.

As a result, however, God protects Jacob and his family, conferring on him the covenant promise He had given to Abraham and Isaac. I don't want to get into a "conditional" mindset with God (and right on cue, here come those dreaded memories of geometry proofs again). If I get rid of the distractions of my life, I shouldn't expect God to subsequently shower me with a free house, 29 flunkies, and unlimited In-N-Out burgers. At the same time, I also know that I do need to get rid of the diversions in life that keep me from God. Again, not that He calls us to be ascetics, but I have to be careful so I can keep a healthy balance, putting God first.

Rachel dies giving birth to Benjamin (be careful what you wish for). In her precious, final breath, she actually names him Ben-Oni. But Jacob renames him, following Mahalalel's example (chapter 5) and presciently giving his son a name that the other kids won't make fun of on the playground. It's nice that Jacob cares about his son's well-being, but I can't help thinking that contradicting your dying wife's final declaration is a bit of a d*** move.

In verse 22, the author glosses an event that will prove portentous: Reuben, Jacob's oldest son, sleeps with his father's concubine. And dear old Dad finds out. The Bible rather ominously doesn't elaborate any further, but an elephant never forgets; this little event will come back to bite Reuben in the butt in chapter 49. Oh well; at least he gets a delicious sandwich named after him.

Chapter 36 features yet another scintillating genealogy. This chapter does mention that Esau and Jacob have to part ways because they have too much livestock; I suppose all their goats and sheep are decimating the greenery and leaving aromatic deposits behind. That's as deep as I'll get in this conclusion; if you want something of more substance, you can read the second paragraph again.